My Dear John Letter to Jamie Diamond and Chase Bank

Dear Jamie:

I know that you are not feeling appreciated at the moment. But it’s time we had a talk.

We got together on the rebound.  I was actually in a steady relationship already, and had been for years.  I liked him a lot, but he was a risk-taker, and back in September of 2008, his riskiness outweighed his size.  He wasn’t as big as you, which turned out to be critical.

Almost without a peep, over one weekend in that September, my old steady was gone, and you had cut into his place.  I hardly knew how to react.  You didn’t ever ask me on a date, and here we were in a committed relationship.  It felt odd.  I wasn’t sure that I was appreciated you.

Then I googled you.  Yes, it is the thing to do today.  Your reputation is scattered, and mixed, to say the least.  I wasn’t really sure I wanted this relationship.  Yet I kept on.

Then came the day that you blew the relationship forever. Your ill-trained, unmotivated employees, probably only working at your institution because the economy is so terrible (and let’s face it, you had something to do with that), managed to irk me, but that was the absolute final straw.

In short, I found someone else (Redwood Credit Union).  He’s not so flashy, but he knows my name, and I don’t worry that he is plotting to risk the entire US economy to make profits at my expense.  In short, I don’t get taken for granted, either as a customer or a taxpayer. So about a year ago, I let you down easily.  I closed one account, but left the relationship open with another, just to make sure that I wasn’t going to have 2nd thoughts.

Then a few months ago, I found out where I really stood with you – you didn’t really care at all.  You decided that because I don’t make you boatloads of money you wanted to kick me out by charging a really high rate to keep my options open.

Then I read the latest Simon Johnson article about your continued bad habits.  And it hit me then — I know exactly how to quit you, Jamie.  In fact, I’m embarrassed that I didn’t do this a long, long time ago.

Today, I closed the other account so that you do not get any fees from me.  The sales assistant was probably the best trained one that I’ve run into ever at your bank.  (We laughed about you, to be honest.) I even shook his hand at the end of transaction – he made it so easy.